BLUECANDY MEDIA

1. She wants a finger (or something else) in her butt.
How to Ask:
You need to ask first. Don’t go poking your finger around her no-no hole without asking first because, duh, that’s bad sex etiquette, and also you might put her off-guard. A simple, “Can I touch your anus?” or “Have you ever had someone play with your anus before?” will suffice. (If the word “anus” grosses you out in the bedroom, use another word.) If she hesitates, don’t pressure her, but offer to touch the outside very gently. Ask her if she likes it and if she doesn’t, stop immediately; if she does like it, and you want to do this, ask if you can slide your finger in. You should probably use lube to do this and you should definitely proceed S-L-O-O-O-O-W-L-Y as you slip it in. Y’all can experiment with more fingers/butt plugs/dildos/your penis/etc. from there-on out as you see fit, but you should definitely, definitely, definitely play around with one finger first to start.
2. She wants to be gently choked.
How to ask:
Cupping your hand around a woman’s throat makes her very, very vulnerable. Most women would not let just anybody do it to them. There has to be lots and lots and lots of trust involved here, because obviously you could really hurt her. The good news is that kink is all about trust and if your girl is kinky in bed, you have probably already spanked/restrained/tied her up and she trusts you. So bring it up in the context of other things she likes: “You really love it when I restrain you while we’re having sex. Do you think you’d like it if I choked you gently, too?” If she’s game, then try it lightly at first and together you can find the right intensity/pressure for you both. It’s also a good idea to create a “safe word,” which is something she can say when she wants you to stop immediately. (Sometimes in the heat of the moment people say “Oh, noooo!” when they really mean “Oh, that feels good!” So it’s good if your safe word is something other than “no.”) My safe word is “stop” or “stop now” because it makes my intentions 100 percent clear.
3. She wants to wear cute little outfits during foreplay or sex.
How to ask:
You may not need to verbally ask anything about this one; it might just be a matter of what you don’t do. If your lady-partner is already adorning herself in cute nighties or sexy lingerie before a sex romp, then I suspect she is doing it because she enjoys how it makes her feel. Show her the love and compliment her on how great she looks; take more time before you pull it off and toss it on the floor. Appreciate her beauty, rather than just ripping the candy bar wrapper off to get to the gooey sweet center underneath. If she’s anything like me, she’ll feel so gorgeous that it will multiply her horniness threefold! I am also a huge fan of male partners buying their female partners lingerie (or couples going shopping together, if he is afraid of doing it by himself). Obviously not everyone’s budget can accommodate this. But if it can, I think buying a woman something you think she’ll look amazing in as a special present is one of the most erotic things a man can do to say “I was thinking about you.”
4. She wants to be called names in bed (or call you “daddy” in bed)
How to ask:
Just like you don’t want to go putting your thumb up her no-no hole on the first go around, you don’t want to climb into bed with a girl and say “suck my c**k, you filthy, dirty slut.” I love being talked dirty to, but even I would hop out of bed and put my clothes back on if a guy went from 0 to 60 like that. Do not call her names or humiliate her unless she tells you that’s what she wants. For all you know, she has issues left over from childhood about being physically punished and calling her a “bad girl” might be upsetting. The same goes for women who might have had abusive relationships in the past. So start off by playfully telling her that her behavior is “naughty” or she’s “being very bad” and seeing how she reacts. If she reacts playfully as well, you have a good foundation to start with. Then, some other time when you are out of bed, ask her how she would feel if you called her a “slut” or if she wants to call you “daddy” (or whatever). If she says, “That’s weird,” and looks uncomfortable, then you have your answer. But if she’s intrigued, then you should take pains to explain to her you obviously do not think she is a slut/bitch/whore, but you think it could be fun in bed if both of you used those words. Ask what she thinks. And by all means, have her read my essay about being called a slut in bed and our anonymous writer’s essay about calling a guy “daddy” in bed. Maybe you’ll learn something!
5. She wants to use her vibrator to get off.
How to ask:
Straight up ask her, “The orgasms you have with your Rabbit are pretty intense, right? Would you ever want to bring it into bed?” She might be embarrassed to use her toy in front of you because, well, she is usually alone when she rubs one out. But her eyes also might light up! She’s having amazing orgasms with you and you just suggested you both add one more amazing element. What’s not to like?